Rob Henderson says, “Don't give unsolicited advice. Advice-giving inherently implies unequal status. Unless people explicitly relinquish claims to equal status by asking for advice, offering it will cultivate resentment.” Arnold Kling’s then say, “He offers 33 other pieces of unsolicited advice.”
Rob Henderson says, “Don't give unsolicited advice. Advice-giving inherently implies unequal status. Unless people explicitly relinquish claims to equal status by asking for advice, offering it will cultivate resentment.” Arnold Kling’s then say, “He offers 33 other pieces of unsolicited advice.”
I imagine there are many who solicit Rob Henderson’s advice. He is mainly speaking to those people - his newly established readers.
Further, I would say that when unequal status is established between two individuals, regarding specific skills, advice tends to be more effective and implicitly solicited. By established, I mean that events have already transpired (and information has already been exchanged) that make apparent the relative strengths and weaknesses between two individuals regarding specific skill sets. For example between M.J. and myself, if we were to play one-on-one, I would immediately accept his advice on footwork.
I would say that solicitation of advice isn’t so much a conscious or voluntary action, as it is A), a consequence of differing abilities between two individuals and B), acceptance—often unwittingly—of those differing abilities. (By the way, this is closely tied to the meaning of unequal status).
Prior to establishing this status hierarchy, the two individuals may be in a competition state (discovery stage) where it would be assuming for one to offer advice to the other. This is when unsolicited advice would cause resentment. In other words, don’t offer unsolicited advice to your competitors, especially in the discovery stage.
Now onto specifics of Rob’s advice.
I read through Rob’s advice when that piece was published and it didn’t bring about any resentment in me. Maybe I felt a mild disregard of his advice because he’s a lot younger than me, which may have made my reading of it less careful, but I certainly didn’t feel resentment.
Why is this? Had I unconsciously solicited his advice? I suspect that I was probably open to his advice because I viewed him as being a respected member of my tribe and had recently become familiar with his high quality work. I had already accepted the high likelihood that he had stuff to teach me.
Bolstering his status was the fact that he was referred to me by Arnold Kling who I hold in high regard, and who in turn was referred to me by Russ Roberts, who has established himself—in my view—as an “impartial spectator.” Pretty much the highest status you can reach. And Russ was “referred” to me by Milton Friedman, via the Hoover Institute, about 15 years ago. And Milton and Hoover, were “referred” to me through Thomas Sowell, and Thomas Sowell was referred to me by my aunt. And my aunt was “referred” to me through my mother - one of a few people who I trust most. So, our openness to accept advice is probably linked by a chain of trust relationships than tie to our parents or if not parents, our most trusted friends and family.
So my acceptance of Rob’s sufficiently high and possibly higher status, allowed me to be open to his advice. Further, and much more concretely, I deliberately clicked and read through that piece, which is clear evidence that I sought his advice.
But Rob’s advice didn’t move me very much. (At least not like Kevin Kelly’s Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I'd Known Earlier). But a few of Rob’s insights were new to me and helpful. These two stuck with me.
1. “Getting punched in the face once permanently reduces your fear of it happening again.” This is probably true, and helpful in my role as a father. It reminds me that I should teach my kids how to defend themselves.
2. “Read at least ten pages of a book every morning.” Good advice.
My own advice on giving advice. Something which I don’t do often enough is to let people discover for themselves the consequences of their decisions. Give people freedom to learn for themselves the reasons for certain habits, rules and behaviors.
Poetry is a great way to give unsolicited advice and probably explains to a large extent the success of Jesus Christ and the Bible. Jesus was a poet. Poetry provides us with a mechanism to discover advice on our own - unsolicited. Through poetry, advice is stated indirectly or implied in such a way that makes the reader feel as if he discovered it on his own. The reader may say, “Look what I found,” rather than the defensive, “He offered me unsolicited advice.” And the reader may discover hidden meaning within a poem that only he can unlock, and which the author didn’t necessarily intend. This may be one reason why scripture is considered magical. It has the power to find a way past our stubbornness, our dislike of being wrong and our difficulty in admitting mistakes. It literally has the power to heal and improve us. We can more easily see ourselves and our flaws through poetry because we aren’t guarded against it. Poetry opens us up to new understanding, especially about ourselves. Was it Steve Jobs who once said that poetry is the most tasteful way of offering unsolicited advice? No, he bluntly said “That’s shit!” That works too, but none of us are Steve Jobs.
On Giving Unsolicited Advice
Rob Henderson says, “Don't give unsolicited advice. Advice-giving inherently implies unequal status. Unless people explicitly relinquish claims to equal status by asking for advice, offering it will cultivate resentment.” Arnold Kling’s then say, “He offers 33 other pieces of unsolicited advice.”
I imagine there are many who solicit Rob Henderson’s advice. He is mainly speaking to those people - his newly established readers.
Further, I would say that when unequal status is established between two individuals, regarding specific skills, advice tends to be more effective and implicitly solicited. By established, I mean that events have already transpired (and information has already been exchanged) that make apparent the relative strengths and weaknesses between two individuals regarding specific skill sets. For example between M.J. and myself, if we were to play one-on-one, I would immediately accept his advice on footwork.
I would say that solicitation of advice isn’t so much a conscious or voluntary action, as it is A), a consequence of differing abilities between two individuals and B), acceptance—often unwittingly—of those differing abilities. (By the way, this is closely tied to the meaning of unequal status).
Prior to establishing this status hierarchy, the two individuals may be in a competition state (discovery stage) where it would be assuming for one to offer advice to the other. This is when unsolicited advice would cause resentment. In other words, don’t offer unsolicited advice to your competitors, especially in the discovery stage.
Now onto specifics of Rob’s advice.
I read through Rob’s advice when that piece was published and it didn’t bring about any resentment in me. Maybe I felt a mild disregard of his advice because he’s a lot younger than me, which may have made my reading of it less careful, but I certainly didn’t feel resentment.
Why is this? Had I unconsciously solicited his advice? I suspect that I was probably open to his advice because I viewed him as being a respected member of my tribe and had recently become familiar with his high quality work. I had already accepted the high likelihood that he had stuff to teach me.
Bolstering his status was the fact that he was referred to me by Arnold Kling who I hold in high regard, and who in turn was referred to me by Russ Roberts, who has established himself—in my view—as an “impartial spectator.” Pretty much the highest status you can reach. And Russ was “referred” to me by Milton Friedman, via the Hoover Institute, about 15 years ago. And Milton and Hoover, were “referred” to me through Thomas Sowell, and Thomas Sowell was referred to me by my aunt. And my aunt was “referred” to me through my mother - one of a few people who I trust most. So, our openness to accept advice is probably linked by a chain of trust relationships than tie to our parents or if not parents, our most trusted friends and family.
So my acceptance of Rob’s sufficiently high and possibly higher status, allowed me to be open to his advice. Further, and much more concretely, I deliberately clicked and read through that piece, which is clear evidence that I sought his advice.
But Rob’s advice didn’t move me very much. (At least not like Kevin Kelly’s Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I'd Known Earlier). But a few of Rob’s insights were new to me and helpful. These two stuck with me.
1. “Getting punched in the face once permanently reduces your fear of it happening again.” This is probably true, and helpful in my role as a father. It reminds me that I should teach my kids how to defend themselves.
2. “Read at least ten pages of a book every morning.” Good advice.
My own advice on giving advice. Something which I don’t do often enough is to let people discover for themselves the consequences of their decisions. Give people freedom to learn for themselves the reasons for certain habits, rules and behaviors.
Poetry is a great way to give unsolicited advice and probably explains to a large extent the success of Jesus Christ and the Bible. Jesus was a poet. Poetry provides us with a mechanism to discover advice on our own - unsolicited. Through poetry, advice is stated indirectly or implied in such a way that makes the reader feel as if he discovered it on his own. The reader may say, “Look what I found,” rather than the defensive, “He offered me unsolicited advice.” And the reader may discover hidden meaning within a poem that only he can unlock, and which the author didn’t necessarily intend. This may be one reason why scripture is considered magical. It has the power to find a way past our stubbornness, our dislike of being wrong and our difficulty in admitting mistakes. It literally has the power to heal and improve us. We can more easily see ourselves and our flaws through poetry because we aren’t guarded against it. Poetry opens us up to new understanding, especially about ourselves. Was it Steve Jobs who once said that poetry is the most tasteful way of offering unsolicited advice? No, he bluntly said “That’s shit!” That works too, but none of us are Steve Jobs.
Here’s a link to my favorite explanation of poetry. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6R6m5vKvc_w