The Strategy of Dating Short Men

Why don't more women use it?

Erik Torenberg writes,

90% of swipes by women are for men over 6’0, which does not reflect the importance women place on height in the real world.

…What online dating does is enable hypergamy at a massive scale. Hypergamy is the tendency for women to want to date the best men, no matter where the woman is in the hierarchy.

…What we see with algorithmic online dating isn't a mechanism to assign the perfect match to each person of the opposite sex. Instead, we've created a machine where the top 20% of men mate with many different partners and the top 80% women try to get the top 20% of men to date and ultimately marry them (and not just have sex with them). 

Suppose that a woman has two preferences. First of all, she wants a tall man. Second of all, she wants a long-term exclusive relationship.

What the data indicate is that these two preferences are in conflict. Because of competition, tall men are harder to get dates with. And even if you get a date with a tall man, you are less likely to end up in a long-term exclusive relationship, because he will be distracted by having so many other possibilities.

In this situation, consider what a woman might achieve by adopting a strategy of deliberately dating short men. And by “short,” I don’t mean that the woman would have to stoop to my level of 5’ 3” (fortunately, I got married before dating apps turned women into idiots). “Short” could mean, say, 5’8” or 5’9”.

By seeking a short man, a woman can give herself a much better chance of ending up in a long-term relationship. She would have less competition to date a short man. And the short man would have fewer opportunities to find another relationship.

If all of a sudden many women were to adopt this strategy, then it would not work as well. Following this strategy would increase the competition for short men and decrease the competition for tall men.

But as it is, it appears that there is a proverbial $20 bill that women are leaving on the sidewalk. Why would women continue to only date tall men, when dating short men seems much more likely to result in a long-term relationship?

Some possible explanations:

1. Perhaps tall men are so superior to short men that it is worth taking a low-probability chance of landing a tall man. There is so little value in a long-term relationship with a short man that is not worth attempting.

2. Perhaps dating a short man sends a strong negative status signal. It says, “I really am pessimistic about my ability to land a tall man.” Other people will say, “She went out with a short man. She must be really desperate.”

3. Perhaps women do not really want long-term, exclusive relationships these days. What they truly want is a fling with a tall man. They would rather risk being single than settle for a long-term relationship with a short man.

4. Perhaps women do not understand the implications of the data. They systematically over-estimate their chances of getting into a long-term relationship if they date tall men, and/or they under-estimate their chances of getting into a long-term relationship if they date short men.

It could be some combination of these things, or something else. But I worry that (3) and (4) play at least some role. I worry that dating apps really have turned women into idiots.

substacks referenced above:

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The Matching Problem in Dating